WTF: Wacky Sifu action with Tai Chi magic too dangerous for TV

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, kids. A group of adults that should know better decided that due to some absurd superstition involving a rodent in the middle of nowhere, we were doomed to six more weeks of winter. So, yeah. Whatever. I know I’m gonna stay toasty with my trusty whiskey to keep me upright. In the meantime, we can only hope for a placid end to a wretched season. And to stay busy, we’ve got a mega treat for you this week.

So we start off with one of my favorite guys in all of the splendor that is the internet, our guy Jerry at Fight Commentary Breakdowns. No, no actual competition footage this time. No, no practical techniques to evaluate, either. It’s actually one of my favorite things whether it’s combat sports-related or not: special magic stuff.

See, it’s a Tai Chi compilation of healers and magic stuff using “energy” to control and heal people. It’s just… look, you gotta see this for yourself:

This doesn’t just start dumb, it gets legit hilarious in record time. There’s a minimal/no-touch guy using energy to launch guys around and deflect attacks. And that sort of thing is fairly common on the internet, where the abundance of this type of material lets us see just how frequent this kind of scam was prior to the ubiquity of the internet.

But even as a seasoned veteran of watching dumb shit like this, I gotta tell you — this was some choice nonsense. My man was taking on a small army all by himself. The audible gasp I let out when I saw this, for example:

The whole thing is just dumb. It’s funny on it’s face, but wow. And let’s not make any mistakes, people still believe in and fall for this sort of thing all the time. And they’ll pony up a hefty sum to be involved in it as well. But there’s something about watching this particular variety, that raw uncut bullshido, that makes this extra hilarious. The stern and focused sifu, the befuddled Western journalist, the delivery, all of it.

And check out the guy that Jerry and his boys affectionately nicknamed “Ponytail“:

For the love of Christ, how is he unable to move a septuagenarian, even with terrible form? If my dad saw me doing some goofy stuff like this he’d demand I quit what I was doing and get a CDL or a warehouse job, immediately.

But wait, there’s more! Another variation that I consider to be elite: the Seated Master.

You’ve all seen this. An old (usually very old) man (always a man) sits in a chair and dominates opponents rushing at him. And this old dude appears to be bothered that he’s even exerting what little effort he actually is just sitting there.

We all know and understand that this is more about partner compliance, to a degree. Most of it is rooted in the subconscious, utilizing the power of suggestion to push this to a further degree. But look at the student this time. It’s not some young whippersnapper with hair like the dude from Color Me Badd (you know good and goddamn well which one). It’s another old dude.

Bro, if I saw my dad doing some goofy stuff like this I’d demand he quit what he was doing and get a CDL or a warehouse job, immediately.

After that, it’s all quick hits. Snippets of the same sort of thing, but all of them just as ridiculous and frankly, rather insulting. There’s even an older lady doing the Seated Master routine on a talk show, a rarity. You don’t see too many people like this brought on to TV shows like that very often. It’s all highly enjoyable once you shut off the part of your brain that reminds you that these “students“ are getting fleeced and are in fact victims.

Ain’t enough alcohol to get me through much more of this, but we’ll try.

Next we’ve got African Warriors Fighting Championship, still goi`ng strong. This bout is lovely, the usual Wild West Shootout tension that you can expect in these duels is there. Lots of feints, probing shots and good movement.

The decisive blow doesn’t even look like too much until you see the replay. The victor nails his opponent in a way that makes the guy’s temple kiss the ground. It’s as ruthless as advertised with a walkoff. Lovely action, as usual.

SAMBOFIAS brings us more joy this week, with a bout from the World Youth and Junior championships. Lots to go over here, but in particular the leglock attempts and brief encounters on the ground were very nice.

Here’s a treat. International Lethwei Federation Japan had this one in the vault: Pro-wrestler Yuiga vs current UFC bantamweight Julia Stoliarenko. It’s a quick match with Stoliarenko pushing a blistering pace.

It’s actually pretty great, although it does seem that Julia gets a little carried away and forgets that this isn’t an MMA fight when she follows up with ground strikes. But she was way too much for her opponent, brutalizing with knees and elbows. The lack of proper gloves and use of minimal hand protection was not a concern at all for her.

Certainly can’t question her toughness, this was great.

Here’s a rough watch. We’ve got a series of Bare Knuckle highlights and knockouts courtesy of YouTube user SOG MMA. Not too many proper knockouts, exactly. But certainly some brutal stoppages and a lot of impressive moments.

He’s also got a compilation of throws from Muhammad Mokaev, affectionately dubbed “Dagestan Airlines“. It’s adorable, until you picture yourself getting ragdolled like this.

Finally, we turn full circle to less-than-honest brokers. This time, it’s this classic featuring Bruce Silva, a Kung Fu master that had an adorable snafu on live TV in Hawaii.

All things considered, it could have gone so much worse. The presenter played it off and it continued with both in good spirits. They had a show to sell, after all. So that was nice.

Hope you’re always a javelin’s throw from the crowning of the king. And remember – you might think you can fight, but there are many guys like you all over the world.