Lambrini Tasting With Lambrini Girls

June 6, 2023

6 min read

New music

Phoebe Lunny and Lilly Macieira of Lambrini Girls are stood behind a bar of a classy joint in Shoreditch. They are happy flashing themselves despite customers walking past. Phoebe takes a bite of a pear and spits it into a cocktail shaker. She then hands the pear to Lilly. Lilly also takes a soggy bite and spits the chewed fruit into the shaker. They add some wine and some Tango Apple before dunking their unwashed hands into the concoction and mixing it around with their fingers. Just as they are about to shake it, the manager of the bar shouts “that’s fizzy, if you shake it it will fizz everywhere…”

“Oh yeah,” they laugh.

Lambrini Girls are completing the task Clash set them of trying to recreate the Original Lambrini taste but using only (cheap) wine, Tango Apple and a singular pear. I read – somewhere on Reddit, admittedly – that you can do that, so we are giving it a go. Lilly takes one final bite of the pear and spits it into her hand before putting it on the side of the glass as ‘garnish’. Taa dah. They hand me the glass to judge. I’m hesitant to sip it as there are stringy bits of their spit floating in it. Oh well. I swig their concoction and then take a swig of Original Lambrini. If I’m completely honest, they have nailed it. It tastes just like Lambrini, but with a dash of cigarettes and lipstick for added flavour.

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Phoebe and Lilly are the two spearheads of Lambrini Girls. After claiming that they “still haven’t learned how to play their instruments”, their EP ‘You’re Welcome’ dropped last month and is complete with a burning pile of shit as the cover artwork. “People put too much thought into artwork,” says Lily. “And it’s funny that people are buying a picture of a burning shit and it’s being shown in shop windows,” Phoebe adds.

Big shits aside, the band are nothing but proud of the work they put into the record. Although there are humorous elements to the final product, the messaging throughout the EP is incredibly important and overdue. If you’ve been to a Lambrini Girls live show, you’ll know that their shows are not only a place to see a proper punk band, but a place where you will hear Phoebe using their platform to talk about equality, safe spaces and the Me Too movement. Hand picked by Iggy Pop to play Dog Day Afternoon later this month alongside Blondie and Generation Sex, the band will be continuing to use their platform at this event to highlight these issues.

“We will 100% say these things at [Dog Day Afternoon]. I think if anything, it will be even more important then because we’re going to get so many boomers at the show. There are gonna be so many people there who aren’t in the generation that would have any clue who we are, or they could have no clue this movements even fucking happening. We are uncompromising on it”.

“I think it’s extremely important that people who do come from a place of privilege are being very vocal about issues like this, because that’s what it’s all about. It’s about changing people’s minds and everyone coming together and actually working towards a common goal”

With special thanks to Accolade Wines for sending us a crate of Lambrini to drink with the band, we quiz the Lambrini Girls on their knowledge of the brand with questions inspired by their recent EP. But after a crate of Lambrini (and with Urban Dictionary and Reddit being our points of reference) this quiz is not to be taken seriously.

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Question: If you had to make a new advert for Lambrini, what song would you use for the advert?

Lilly: Crazy Frog.

Question: If you could send someone lifetime supply of Lambrini, who would you send it to and which flavour would you send them?

Phoebe: Justin Bieber.

What flavour?

Phoebe: Poo Flavour.

Lilly: Bovril Flavour.

Are you saying Bog Roll or Bovril?

Lilly: Bovril.

Phoebe: Wait no, I’d send to Jason Derulo.

Lilly: Skrillex.

Phoebe: Actually, yeah, I’d send Justin Bieber poo flavour because he’s a cunt. I’d be like, ‘here, have some poo flavour Lambrini you fucking prick’.

Lilly: Skrillex because he’s an absolute saddy. I just love him so much.

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Question: Lambrini had a rebrand back in 2015 and have also recently released their new packaging. However, the drink has always been widely known to appeal to the ‘female market’. If you had to rebrand Lambrini to make it appeal to ‘lads’ and make it Lad-brini, how would you do that?

Phoebe: I’d put Three Lions on it. And underneath it would say ‘Join the Army’. With RAF propaganda.

Lilly: Smoke flavoured…

Phoebe: Or kebab flavour.

Lilly: Or petrol flavour. Fighter jet flavour. ‘Be A Man, Drink Lad-brini’.

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What type of alcohol is Lambrini, wine or cider?

Phoebe: Wine surely.

WRONG.

Phoebe: Shit man. Fuck me.

What year was Lambrini made available?

Phoebe: 1969

Lilly: I feel like its a Y2K drink.

Phoebe: ’81?

1994.

Phoebe: Fuck!

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Can you name as many flavours of Lambrini as you can?

Phoebe: Original, Cherry, Peachy, Rhubarb, Strawberry, Mango, Palma Violets,

Nope, not Palma Violets. I want actual ones, not limited edition ones or ones that I can’t buy now.

Lilly: Peach, Strawberry, Cherry, Original

You’re close.

*The band then get distracted and start singing along to ‘Brimful of Asha’ – Cornershop*

The answers are Original, Strawberry, Cherry, Original *slim*, Luci, and Peach.

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How long does production of one bottle take?

Phoebe: 70 days

Lilly: 24 mins? 1 hour? A month? 2 months? 3 months?

Six weeks.

*They both have a big celebration and hug each other*

I love how you guys are celebrating that, when I was literally pointing with my hands higher or lower.

Lilly: Hey, a win’s a win baby.

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Which slogan was affiliated with Lambrini. Was it:

A) Lambrini Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

B) Bring the ‘Brini

Both: ‘Lambrini Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’!

Nope. Wrong. Trick question, it was both. How many bottles are sold on average per year?

Phoebe: I think it’s double now that we are a band.

And your intake personally?

Phoebe: I reckon 10 million? 30 million? 50 million?

It’s 40 million a year. I think it’s because it’s so cheap.

Phoebe: And because every buyer is 12 years old.

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Another multi-choice question. Which of these is an online description of Lambrini?

A) ‘Lambrini is £1.49 a bottle. It taste like cat piss and tastes even worse when you throw it back up’

B) ‘Mostly drunk by females who claim to be ‘classy’. However, after one bottle they hump anything with a pulse and ejaculate all their bodily fluids outside the nightclub’

Phoebe: Ha! Both!

Lilly: Both! You did another trick question you bastard.

I now want you to come up with your own description for Lambrini. Two sentences minimum.

Lilly: I’m really bad at coming up with things on the spot.

Phoebe: ‘Toilet wine for sluts, shove it up my arse… unless you don’t want to!’

I’ll let that slide as two sentences because it’s catchy and sounds like one of your next lyrics.

Phoebe: That’s the next song. Watch out.

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